many such things are said thus forth.
Man, I love this time of year!!! O love the cold, I love the mood it puts me in. It is such a melancholy time, yet has such joy as Christmas appraoches. I LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!! It so happy and fun, full of love and fun, did I mention fun? So many good memories and good times and good food and good friends and good sweets and good movies. I know Thanksgiving is this Thursday but I'm all ready for Christmas time. I watched Elf tonight, I love it, it's sooo funny!
I just spent the last night out all night. It was a youth group event that started at 7pm and ended at 7am. It was a blast! We played laser tag, climbed a fake rock wall, played arcade games, then went bowling, then back to the church where we started, to play video games or watch a movie or play on the inflatable jousting or sumo suit wrestling, good times. The kids in my van were a blast! We sang like every rock song we could think of that we knew the words to. We sang Pink Floyd, Queen, U2, and more that I can't remember. We sang Bohemian rapsody IN IT'S ENTIRETY even with all the guitar parts, head banging, etc, it was awesome!!! I got to know some new kids too which was cool. I haven't had that much fun in a long time, I needed it.
I really wish I knew what I should do next. I'm so sick of working at a grocery store. I had a blast recording "June"" with Burt,( I know, I spelled it the way I wanted) even though the guy at the studio backed out at the last minute. We recorded at Burt's apartment instead. That experience reminded me that I don't like customer service and much rather play music the rest of my life. I just feel like my talent and gifting is just wasted at the store. I bag fucking groceries ALL DAY. I do a lot of other things too, but I'm just so bored with bagging. It's like lifting 3 pounds when you could lift 100. It is so nothing. "I want more...and I know I shouldn't", thats from star wars, I started the sentence then laughed to myself because it sounded like Annakin.
I feel so stupid. More and more friends are getting married, I went to a reception today. I still live at home in a room that I don't keep clean, I collect Star Wars toys, I'm a dork, I only ever talk about actually being in a band or making videos but don't have a band or own a camera of any sort. I am a big noise, scary and intimidating but nothing happens. It's all just wind blowing in the pine trees, it sounds like it's blowing hard but in fact it's just a breeze and only sounds hard. So much for flying a kite. Man, that sounds cheesy. And rather drab, but it is in fact how I feel often. I'm still happy for the season, though.
My point was that I don't feel like I can even think about marrage when I have nothing to offer anyone. I don't make enough to support myself let alone a wife. I don't have an inkling of a career option so there is no security or stability in my life. My own stability is my family and I know that no one would be attracted to that. I guess I could go on as to why I think no one would be interested in me right now. I just know that I haven't much to offer a girl if one were to be interested. I want to though!! Regardless of what I may think my situation is as far as giving, there aren't many girls here anyway. Not many christian ones anyway, its like a wasteland. They're either married, engaged or have a serious boyfriend. Maybe I should stop complaining. sorry. I've been saying I'm not really looking but I guess I am, I have noticed all these "reasons" without looking, haven't I? One thing is for sure, no one is attracted to someone who complains about their life, or whines about being single, like me. God knows, thats all that matters. Wherever you are, wife, I can't wait!! But will have to.
I just spent the last night out all night. It was a youth group event that started at 7pm and ended at 7am. It was a blast! We played laser tag, climbed a fake rock wall, played arcade games, then went bowling, then back to the church where we started, to play video games or watch a movie or play on the inflatable jousting or sumo suit wrestling, good times. The kids in my van were a blast! We sang like every rock song we could think of that we knew the words to. We sang Pink Floyd, Queen, U2, and more that I can't remember. We sang Bohemian rapsody IN IT'S ENTIRETY even with all the guitar parts, head banging, etc, it was awesome!!! I got to know some new kids too which was cool. I haven't had that much fun in a long time, I needed it.
I really wish I knew what I should do next. I'm so sick of working at a grocery store. I had a blast recording "June"" with Burt,( I know, I spelled it the way I wanted) even though the guy at the studio backed out at the last minute. We recorded at Burt's apartment instead. That experience reminded me that I don't like customer service and much rather play music the rest of my life. I just feel like my talent and gifting is just wasted at the store. I bag fucking groceries ALL DAY. I do a lot of other things too, but I'm just so bored with bagging. It's like lifting 3 pounds when you could lift 100. It is so nothing. "I want more...and I know I shouldn't", thats from star wars, I started the sentence then laughed to myself because it sounded like Annakin.
I feel so stupid. More and more friends are getting married, I went to a reception today. I still live at home in a room that I don't keep clean, I collect Star Wars toys, I'm a dork, I only ever talk about actually being in a band or making videos but don't have a band or own a camera of any sort. I am a big noise, scary and intimidating but nothing happens. It's all just wind blowing in the pine trees, it sounds like it's blowing hard but in fact it's just a breeze and only sounds hard. So much for flying a kite. Man, that sounds cheesy. And rather drab, but it is in fact how I feel often. I'm still happy for the season, though.
My point was that I don't feel like I can even think about marrage when I have nothing to offer anyone. I don't make enough to support myself let alone a wife. I don't have an inkling of a career option so there is no security or stability in my life. My own stability is my family and I know that no one would be attracted to that. I guess I could go on as to why I think no one would be interested in me right now. I just know that I haven't much to offer a girl if one were to be interested. I want to though!! Regardless of what I may think my situation is as far as giving, there aren't many girls here anyway. Not many christian ones anyway, its like a wasteland. They're either married, engaged or have a serious boyfriend. Maybe I should stop complaining. sorry. I've been saying I'm not really looking but I guess I am, I have noticed all these "reasons" without looking, haven't I? One thing is for sure, no one is attracted to someone who complains about their life, or whines about being single, like me. God knows, thats all that matters. Wherever you are, wife, I can't wait!! But will have to.
posted by Jason at 6:43 PM
3 Comments:
oh the joys of being single. I always tell myself and others that I'm not looking, when all along every guy i meet is a "potential" in my mind until two second later.. who am i fooling? i understand all too well what you're saying. however i'm learning that i need to enjoy right where i'm at right now. if i look to the future to much, i'll never be enjoying the present, because i'll always be looking ahead and missing everything in front of me. it's hard though.
whoa, nessa y feelings exactly. ha, i tell people i'm ahppy i'm single, i tell them to shove their stupid "oh don't worriy, someday God will bring the perfect man into your life" i tell them, maybe God intentd so me to be single....i try to imagine what my life would be like always being single, i try to tell myself that God is enough. but yet, the next moment i am checking out the guy next me, i am assesing his potential. i am so TIRED of being alone. i just want to be loved and too be touched, and i HATE that. i want to be content NOW. GAHHHH....WHINE on Jason, it may not be healthy, but then it is also nice for otehrs to know they aren't the only ones who feel that way. sharing how we feel, we can build a community of life-minded people who understand one another... i dunno what i'm saying anymore. lack of sleep is cathcing up to me....
bad spelling, sorry.
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