How Low Can You Go?
man I need a wife! I'm tired of liking people and then having nothing to show for it!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot of love for certain people and I want to love them. but oh no, not in my time, not no way , not no how. Geez!
I am truely amazed at David! He is an amazing guy, I'm so glad for Brittanie! Mike and Chris are awesome friends to him. I had a blast haging out with them. Denver Lips!!!!! Unfortunate Lips!!! The song will happen.
I'm sure for single people at a wedding it's normal to feel lonely and desire marriage for themselves, but holy shit, does it totally NOT matter to me AT ALL if it's normal.............. it really hurts. Being a guy friend of a bride is probably one of the most interesting things I've ever done. I'm sure it won't be the last time as I have many female friends but this was the first one where I hadn't met the groom prior to the wedding.
Me being me, I sometimes turn things on myself as a reflection of my faults. Not having someone like me for me turns into me being too weird for anyone to like. It drives me to depression, funny how wild a ride my emotions can have sometimes.It is pretty scary that I actually am going to let someone else read that. I just don't care right now. I feel stupid, I feel like i will never have anyone , I will be a whining, long haired, fucking loser until I die, thats how low I feel right now. deep down I know that God will bring me to a place of contentment in Him someday. I just am aching right now....
So ironic is my honesty. My desire to be honest and let people see through me in order to bring trust and understanding has turned on me many times before. When someone has an interest, they are turned off by knowing too much of my feelings. it's like they see stuff they don't like in me and run. I have only known one girl who has listened to my heart and not fled from interest in me, but the Lord had other plans for her life. Marriage. Some years later I still will never forget the overwhelming joy of realizing her concern and understanding and interest in what i had to say. It's funny, I have a hard time beleiving that there is actually someone else out here that might do the same but be my wife after all that.
man I'm just a fucking nut job,huh? well, Jesus loves me anyway, he made me who I am and someday someone will see me for me and love me for me and i her.
I'm not the same as I was, this trip changed me. My life looks different to me now, not just the bad stuff. The good in my life shines with a fresh brightness that brings great tears of joy. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!! No one will ever come close to my love for my family, God has blessed us greatly. when I have no one i have them, they for me and i for them. I'm so glad I saw Holly today, damn I miss her, and it will only be more the longer she's there. God is Good.
I am truely amazed at David! He is an amazing guy, I'm so glad for Brittanie! Mike and Chris are awesome friends to him. I had a blast haging out with them. Denver Lips!!!!! Unfortunate Lips!!! The song will happen.
I'm sure for single people at a wedding it's normal to feel lonely and desire marriage for themselves, but holy shit, does it totally NOT matter to me AT ALL if it's normal.............. it really hurts. Being a guy friend of a bride is probably one of the most interesting things I've ever done. I'm sure it won't be the last time as I have many female friends but this was the first one where I hadn't met the groom prior to the wedding.
Me being me, I sometimes turn things on myself as a reflection of my faults. Not having someone like me for me turns into me being too weird for anyone to like. It drives me to depression, funny how wild a ride my emotions can have sometimes.It is pretty scary that I actually am going to let someone else read that. I just don't care right now. I feel stupid, I feel like i will never have anyone , I will be a whining, long haired, fucking loser until I die, thats how low I feel right now. deep down I know that God will bring me to a place of contentment in Him someday. I just am aching right now....
So ironic is my honesty. My desire to be honest and let people see through me in order to bring trust and understanding has turned on me many times before. When someone has an interest, they are turned off by knowing too much of my feelings. it's like they see stuff they don't like in me and run. I have only known one girl who has listened to my heart and not fled from interest in me, but the Lord had other plans for her life. Marriage. Some years later I still will never forget the overwhelming joy of realizing her concern and understanding and interest in what i had to say. It's funny, I have a hard time beleiving that there is actually someone else out here that might do the same but be my wife after all that.
man I'm just a fucking nut job,huh? well, Jesus loves me anyway, he made me who I am and someday someone will see me for me and love me for me and i her.
I'm not the same as I was, this trip changed me. My life looks different to me now, not just the bad stuff. The good in my life shines with a fresh brightness that brings great tears of joy. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!! No one will ever come close to my love for my family, God has blessed us greatly. when I have no one i have them, they for me and i for them. I'm so glad I saw Holly today, damn I miss her, and it will only be more the longer she's there. God is Good.
posted by Jason at 9:26 PM
5 Comments:
Aww come on Jason, I only spent a short time with you but you are a great guy, and I know some girl will be absouletly thrilled when she meets you and honored to be your wife. As you said, it's all in God's timing.
That stuff said, it does suck to wait, I echo that one! And it is the wedding, cause I've been feeling it too. Mazel Tov to Brit and Dave and don't worry Jason, yours will come!!!
wow, i am so excited to see cailin (sorry if it's spelt wrong) commenting!
jason, dont be ripping hard on yourself - God isnt being hard on you with the waiting, for some unknown reason to us this is His goodness. THIS WAIT IS GOD'S GOODNESS. i always try to remember that, and a lot of the time when i think enough about myself dating and marrying, I KNOW FULL WELL that i am too immature, and if i ever want what brit and dave are, then i need a LOT of time in God's working on my own character first. also, i try to remember that there is no purpose in my aching over it - dont get me wrong i ache over it faar too much, and a lot - but i am to be seeing Christ as my husband, Him as my partner and my fulfillment. Living with brit and having heard her prayers, i saw only the tiniest glimps of who she is before God, but i saw how she loves Jesus, how she would fall on Him and look to Him as her all. THAT is what we must focus on, a contentment in Him and fulfillment with Him that even if a significant other never were to come, we would be HAPPY to have only Him as our lover.
high and lofty goals i havent yet attained, but better to think of such goals then cry for our time to come.
thank you
it might be true that we are to look to God for our contentment, but we are still human, and i still feel horribly alone. God made us for companionship, he made us to look to a significant other, and i long for that so much. whatever, i pray each day that i will find some sense of contentment in this seemingly meaningless life that i lead. after all there must be some purpose in my perpetual singleness. there must be some purpse for me in my current situation.
it's not good for man to be alone. God said it best.
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