the sun.
sunshine doesn't seem to last in my life. it all gets cloudy and gray. the thing is I like gray, it seems to go with everything. not in life though. gray is lukewarm isn't it? well I'm lukewarm and rather comfortable. I choose the easy way, the feel-good way the "my own way" way. can't tell what's next for me.
I don't want to be involved with church stuff anymore. I don't feel I can be involved with a clear conscience. it's no more about the Lord, just doing it so no one asks questions. scary,huh? well too bad, thats the way it is. I really don't want to do anything, my life is so bland that bland is the only flavor I can taste anymore. which washes out the memory of any other flavor, therefore making the others not exist. get it? well I've run and run after the sun but it's sinking. it's racing around to come up behind me again. The sun is the same, inthe relative way, but I'm older. Shorter of breath and on day closer to death. thank you Pink Floyd.
No song has hit me recently quite like "time" by Pink Floyd.
I have a damn cold. Sniffling, sore throat, runny nose from hell!!! I hate being sick, I'm no good to anyone.
I get really dark and complain a lot. Forgive me Lord.
Some days are better than others.
I don't want to be involved with church stuff anymore. I don't feel I can be involved with a clear conscience. it's no more about the Lord, just doing it so no one asks questions. scary,huh? well too bad, thats the way it is. I really don't want to do anything, my life is so bland that bland is the only flavor I can taste anymore. which washes out the memory of any other flavor, therefore making the others not exist. get it? well I've run and run after the sun but it's sinking. it's racing around to come up behind me again. The sun is the same, inthe relative way, but I'm older. Shorter of breath and on day closer to death. thank you Pink Floyd.
No song has hit me recently quite like "time" by Pink Floyd.
I have a damn cold. Sniffling, sore throat, runny nose from hell!!! I hate being sick, I'm no good to anyone.
I get really dark and complain a lot. Forgive me Lord.
Some days are better than others.
posted by Jason at 5:58 PM
4 Comments:
if you were in an airplane, you'd be above the grey clouds. the sky is always blue, and sun is always shining even on the dreariest of days -- it's just hidden from us. were it t be rainy for an entire month, the sun would still be there. but positive thoughts don't always reassure do they? often they just piss me off.and really, i like rain....ans now i'm rambling and making as little sense as i possibly could. yup. anyway get better jason, complain away on here. thats what blogger is for, and it's healthier to get things out rather then bottle them up. i should know, i am after all an expert bottler!
you and me both. But I only bottle from certain people.
When asked, I always answer honestly, except when people I don't know ask me. (like customers)
I think I'm doing pretty bad right now. Thank you for your responses,all of you, they let me know I'm cared for, more than just from my family, which feels pretty good. :)
you are cared for, jason. ii really sometimes dont comment, ubt i read this thing incessently - be reassured my obsession isnt set aside.
I too had a time last spring where I rather enjoyed being grey. I didn't really want to think about God anymore, I just wanted to be lukewarm and happy in my little corner. Things happened that made me bitter, but the point is that I really enjoyed the grey-ness and didn't want it to stop.
I dont have much advice for you except that my sun did come out again, and I don't want to sound cheesy and cartoon-ish, but just wanted to give you hope and a smile! :)
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