it's like I'm living a dream
it's like I'm living a dream. I look so lowly on my job and those who work with me. I don't think very highly of my job. Its important but not very complicated. I don't get paid very much and I'm 26 years old, it really is time for me to get a life. A career or just something other than work for high school drop outs would be nice. I just feel like such a loser. I know I have potential to be a good musician or music video dude but I have no idea how to get there. I see it in my mind, I feel it'll happen one day but when, WHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really am so damn lazy. It's killing me, literally: the more I don't do, the more goes by me, the more time goes by while I am idle, the more my life passes by and approachs the end. So what is it that God wants? Or what is it that I am not doing, right?
So tonight as I was walking to my car I got all excited for the opportunity I have coming up. My dad has gotten studio time for my friend Bert and I to record a cover song, mainly so he can learn the studio mixing board. I have been practicing the song a lot because I'm going to play guitar, bass and drums, as well as sing. So I'm looking forward to it. In my mind I want to have the studio guy to be impressed by me and ask me to work for him, so I wouldn't have to work at the store and actually have a job closer to what I want. But really I don't think that'll happen and its not realistic. Its just a dream, a thought, a childhood desire and way of looking at stuff like this.
So walking to my car I felt above my co-workers and job because I can play music and maybe make a living on it. The emotion was smug and stupid, like I was famous or something. I was acting like I was really in one of my dreams. For about 5 minutes...alone. It just made me feel stupid and old. Oh well.
I saw the David Crowder Band last night, it was really enjoyable. I only knew 2 of his songs goin in to the show, but it was great. I'm a fan now.
So tonight as I was walking to my car I got all excited for the opportunity I have coming up. My dad has gotten studio time for my friend Bert and I to record a cover song, mainly so he can learn the studio mixing board. I have been practicing the song a lot because I'm going to play guitar, bass and drums, as well as sing. So I'm looking forward to it. In my mind I want to have the studio guy to be impressed by me and ask me to work for him, so I wouldn't have to work at the store and actually have a job closer to what I want. But really I don't think that'll happen and its not realistic. Its just a dream, a thought, a childhood desire and way of looking at stuff like this.
So walking to my car I felt above my co-workers and job because I can play music and maybe make a living on it. The emotion was smug and stupid, like I was famous or something. I was acting like I was really in one of my dreams. For about 5 minutes...alone. It just made me feel stupid and old. Oh well.
I saw the David Crowder Band last night, it was really enjoyable. I only knew 2 of his songs goin in to the show, but it was great. I'm a fan now.
posted by Jason at 9:23 PM
2 Comments:
when i went to work at silk and satin, or a&w before that, i had myself trained to shut off, so i could go to work and be there, but it was as if i wasn't there. i think now that was stupid, it's so easy to let that numbness seep into the rest of my life. i don't want to be numb, i don't want to hate what i am doing. i too dream dreams of better times. i don't think it's stupid do so, i think we were made to dream of something MORE. however, i think the problem comes when we fail to find contentment in the here and now. but who am i to talk -- contentment has always been that unattainable goal.
jason you sound so much like i sound, the things you said almost EXACTLY what i said earlier today. i feel so lazy all of the time, and i really want something to happen in life, to move on, yet i also never do anything about it and so nothing ever will. it beats me down a lot, and like amy said, i never really reach contentment.
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