The rockin' sounds of glory and guitars

when will the love of music ever end? I don't know, but I don't mind at all. I love Mos Def!!!! He's the man!! Incredible rymes, incredible acting chops, incredible musical talent!!. Must get more of his stuff.
I am again becoming enamored by Beck. I have shelved his albums for years and recently listened to them again, much to my delight i forgot how awsome he is, too. All this "new" music has given me ideas for music. We'll see if i pursue the ideas.
Oh yeah, the walk for life thing!!!! There was hardly anybody there. We had record rain for 10 days straight before and it was raining a bit in the morning. Therefore only 5 people total actually walked and probably 20-30 poeple there total. So the band that played before me made up 7-8 of the total. After they were done pretty much eveyone but 10 people left. When I played it was the band and the few people just hanging out talking and such, so it was more like a coffee shop. I didn't mind, i sucked. I was tired and my voices was tired and cracked a bunch. One time I cracked up because it cracked really loud, no one else noticed because they were talking and playing pool, etc. . I also messed up a lot on the guitar playing. It was alright, fun, realxed and in God's hands. '
I heard there was a new christian coffee shop in a nearby town that I could play at. So that could be cool.

where will we all end up?

there is so much noise in this world. so much noise of how important it is to be sexy. to be in style, to not care about anyone but those who are your friends and yourself. It's all about being on the edge of decency, sexuality, style, originality. to keep up is exhausting, I know, I used to try. How do you satisfy those who are in a constant state of wanting more? how do you stay in the "now" as far as style goes? I must keep up with what's going on with their relationship. I have to get that because they have it already. I must be thin because no one will want me. I must fit into this size because if anyone heard what size I wear now they would think I was a beast. I must know what's cool and what's not. He's hot I want him, shes hot I want her... Lets get wasted, thats what weekends are for.
Its insane, its a mad fucking rush to nowhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its a futile, empty way try and belong. its so sad. its so empty. there is nothing in it. it is the flesh being the flesh. Its "the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and the pride of life." or " boasting of what he has and does." so many succumb, so many of God's children seek it and want it. It breaks my heart, mainly because I found out I broke Gods heart when I did it. The things of the world are nothing, they're chaff in the wind, hollow gongs with no sustain or resonance. no meaning, no thought, no hope!!!!!!
There is truly nothing in the world that can satisfy. but many need to learn that, but many don't know the feeling of true satisfaction in Christ because they never went deep enough with him. so when you try and explain that to a young or imature chrirtian they agree with what you say but don't truly believe it. therfore they don't actually seek God for His sake, they "seek" Him because its the "right thing to do". I have been enboldened again to seek out this truth out more fully and preach it to those brothers and sisters who are luke warm. I suppose this is the direction I have been asking God for. I should be qualified to talk about being luke warm as I have spent a lot of time there and know a lot of the nooks and crannies of it.
I found a link to a christian girl that I know's My Space. I was disturbed to see all the pop-culture, cosmopolitan, very modern, sexually charged photos and links to many "hot style" sites. It was obvious to me that she isn't curently walking with the Lord. It shook me enough to vent.

boredom fun

my 5th/23rd, is either "and not so much." or "This will be an interesting week."
Doesn't mean much to me, and I don't know how to tag links, sorry Amy.

share this knowledge

I saw some violence that shook me pretty deep. It made feel sick to my stomach and dizzy because it was all too what i expected to see but didn't want to.
There is something about graphic violene that is so viceral. I shakes us and cuts us to the core. Its so not supposed to happen. To actually see someone willfully and intentionally hurt someone very badly is all so disturbing. I can't imagine what someone must have to think inside to just outright harm someone for very little reason.
Seeing a violent fight makes me feel helpless and like no one is around that can help. Initially I feel like there really is no God, because there is no imediate force stopping the violence. I better understand how someone who grew up in a violent part of the earth where injustice and outright malice is rampent, can truely belive that there is no one but themselves to look after them. The sad truth is that kind of life exists everywhere, even in the US and Canada. Inner city life is so different than my own. I feel my shelteredness has been exposed wide open, I am naked in my innocence.
I step back, though, after the shock settles and realize that God sees far worse, sees it all, all over the globe , all at the same time. Oh how his heart must grieve. That does comfort me though, knowing that God is not shocked by such violence nor is he frightened or surprised by any of it. Man has not let up in his violent life style since the fall. I too have felt the desire to harm others and can probably imagine a situation where I would kill, but I pray that situation never comes, or that God's grace would grant me the restraint and patience.
Knowing God can handle violence and does, even when I don't even think about it, comforts me. I know that He far surpasses my biggest problem, fear, situation. I now know more deeply his sufficiency in all things, and for all things in my life. HALELUJAH!!!! Praise be to The ONE!!!

up ^ date

as it turns out, there is a local band called The Light that voluteered, out of the blue, to play on sat so I won't be the only one. I am personally a little relieved, cause it means all the music isn't all on me. I will play after them, so it makes the day seem more like an event than a Jason Banta concert. I am so glad.
Not that i didn't want to play, its just that I'm not so great at leading anyhting like singing or whatever may be requested.

upcoming events

So this saturday I am going to perform at a walk for life thing. There is an organization in the area called Care Net. It is a support center/group for young women who get pregnant and are making a decision on keeping the child or not. They are a Christian org so obviously they encourage the girls to have the babies and give them alternatives to abortion.
I've been asked to play ay the after-walk-party. There was originally supposed to be two other groups playing as well as me, but as God would have it it is now going to be JUST ME!!!! Today Laurie told me that the other bands backed out and asked me to play a lot longer. Which means the after party is going to be essencially a Jason Banta concert. I told her I didn't mind playing longer but it really would be kindof wierd having just me play for an event I know little about. Oh well, thats how it is. Igues the local christian radio station will be there and maybe a lot of people so the exposure will be potentially significant, I think thats pretty cool.
I just pray that I'll feel better by then. I am still sick. I can't shake this thing. Every few days I get really bad stomach aches and the shakes and a fever. Last night I had a fever of 100.2 F wich is really hot for me. My "idle" temp is 97.6 so I was really hot. I haven't been that hot in years. I can't figur iti out. I must have an infection, my head hurts all the time and my sinuses are funky too, so thats probably it. That and gettingn barely enough sleep for the stressful week I had.
All in all i'm looking forward to perfroming this weekend. I guess it has potential to start a "career" and stuff so I hope I rock. I 've been thinking about songs I could perform and I realized I forgot about a lot of songs I wrote in the past. Which is purty kool. Please pray that all goes well and I feel better. Until next time.......

feedback

I had a really good time tonight getting into shape again. My voice and playing guitar, that is. It felt really good, and I wrote some more of my new one. Man, it rocks!!! It's so good, I love it!!! However I want some feed back. I want to know if my lyrics make sense to anyone besides me.

It goes a little something like this...

"It almost seems, like I could get there without anything, easily alone.
It almost seems like I'm there already.
If I could get past myself. If I could let go and let God
It's not like I don't know there's so much more than what I see
Thank you for not showing me all at once.
Protecting me and my eyes. My eyes.

I thought I knew. I thought I had it all figured out.
'what more could there be?'
but it seems not everything fits inside my head,
inside my limited brain.
Hallelujah, you really are God.
It's like I almost forgot who you are.
And all the while I thought I remembered.
You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

Turning points come so close to breakdowns
It's hard to tell the one from the other
But in the end it's all or nothing
You hve to own my mind, my eyes, my heart, my soul, my life....."

It's not done yet nor set in stone, but thats what have right now.